


I'm Living a Katy Perry Video

by hushlittlewolf



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-25
Updated: 2014-07-25
Packaged: 2018-02-10 10:41:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2022036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hushlittlewolf/pseuds/hushlittlewolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles woke up to the feeling that someone was splitting open his skull. </p><p>Slowly. With malice. </p><p>And perhaps a sledgehammer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Living a Katy Perry Video

**Author's Note:**

> another tumblr prompt fic!
> 
> prompt: woke up married in Vegas. 
> 
> that's it.

Stiles woke up to the feeling that someone was splitting open his skull. 

Slowly. With malice. 

And perhaps a sledgehammer. 

"Stopppp," he whimpered. He wasn’t above begging. The sledgehammer only came down faster. Stiles was almost positive he was dying. 

Flailing an arm out in a last ditch effort to save his life, Stiles felt his hand smack into something solid. The blow stung his palm, but not as much as the sudden elbow to the side and kick to the shin. 

"The fuck?!" 

There was an shuffle and yelped curse followed by a resounding thud. The blankets were abruptly ripped from around Stiles’ legs, and the chilled air made him yank his knees to his chest. 

That’s when Stiles realized he was naked. 

"Why am I naked?" Stiles asked the room at large. No answer was forthcoming. 

A groan from the floor made Stiles remember he wasn’t alone. Pulling his knees tight under his chin, Stiles watched with wide eyes as another body crawled halfway back on the bed before swaying into an unsteady standing position. 

Stiles’ mouth fell open, his cheeks flared scarlet, and he swore on Beacon Hill’s curly fries that his heart just stopped. 

"WHY ARE YOU NAKED?" Stiles shrilled at the  _obviously_ male stranger struggling to tear the sheet from where it was tangled around his head. 

The man grunted and growled and, finally, shredded the sheet in half. The movement made his soft cock bounce where it was nestled among a thatch of dark curls, and Stiles followed the movement with a dry mouth. 

“ _Well, at least he’s a hot stranger,”_ Stiles absurdly thought as he followed the man’s treasure trail up and up, past rock hard abs and a solid chest. 

Wait…Stiles  _knew_ those abs. He’d been paralyzed on that chest with kanima venom!

Snapping his eyes up, Stiles swallowed sharply as he confirmed what he already knew. “Not a stranger,” he exhaled, and Derek Hale scowled back at him so hard Stiles felt his cringing balls actually crawl back up inside him. 

"Could you please," Derek growled lowly. Stiles noticed his eyes were bloodshot and ringed with dark circles underneath. "Shut up. For 5 minutes?" 

Stiles reflexively opened his mouth, but Derek slapped a hand over it before any words could escape. Stiles felt a sudden jolt of pain as something hard and distinctly metal tasting clicked against his teeth. 

"Ow," Stiles mumbled behind Derek’s fingers, the sound muffled and soft. He blinked back tears and was half contemplating biting Derek when he got a look at the other man’s face. 

It was slack with shock, and very pale in the dim morning(ish?) light. His eyes looked very green and very sharp, and Stiles felt a lurch in his chest when he saw Derek’s little bunny teeth resting on his lower lip. Derek looked so young. 

And so scared 

"What is it?" Stiles voice was still muffled, but it hitched with terror. Oh god. Was he missing an eye? Did he have a tattoo? Fuck. He had a tattoo didn’t he? His dad was going to  _kill_ him. And Scott, after all the shit Stiles gave him for his tattoo when they were younger, Scott would  _never_ let him live this dow—

Derek’s finger clicked against his mouth again, and Stiles abruptly stopped thinking as a metallic taste sat heavy on his tongue. 

Crossing his eyes absurdly, Stiles said, “That’s a ring.”

"I know what a ring looks like, Stiles," Derek replied. His voice was flat and colorless with shock. Stiles didn’t think he had even blinked for the last three minutes. 

"Why are you wearing a ring?" Because Derek was wearing a ring. A shiny silver thing. Or maybe it was white gold, Stiles couldn’t tell. It was warm against his lips though, and it tasted faintly of salt. 

"You’re wearing one too," Derek replied, and it sounded 3 parts accusing and 1 part objective. He still hadn’t moved his hand.

Stiles looked down and, sure enough, he was. Slim and a perfect fit, a matching band of gleaming metal sat on the ring finger of Stiles’ left hand. He ran his thumb across it, to make sure it was real, and watched as it tugged at his skin. 

"Oh no," Stiles whispered. His head was pounding, his tongue tasted like a dead thing behind his teeth, he was naked, and a ring that had to weigh 50 lbs was on his head. "I’m living a Katy Perry video." 

Derek groaned and ripped his hand away. He used it to palm his temple, eyes clenched shut and looking a little green around his grumpy gills. “I’m going to kill Peter.” 

Stiles squinted and a vague memory of Derek’s bad touch uncle swam to the forefront of his hungover mind. He remembered Peter showing up, uninvited of course, to the club where the pack was celebrating Scott’s 21st birthday. There were drinks, lots of drinks, and Stiles also remembered Scott mentioning they tasted funny. 

"Wolfsbane?" Stiles asked. The sharp nod Derek gave was the only confirmation needed. "Wow. I’m going to kill Peter." Derek snorted in derision. "For good this time," Stiles went on, feeling distinctly nauseous as he stared at his  _fucking wedding ring._ "I’m going to burn his body and all his slutty v-necks in person." 

Derek just groaned again before he fell face first back on the bed. Stiles bounced slightly with the movement. “Uh Derek?” No answer. “Derek?” He prodded the werewolf’s hip with his toe. His naked foot with his naked toe. Why were they both still naked? “Did I just become a widower?”

"No, but I might if you don’t go back to sleep," Derek grumbled from his pillow. 

Stiles blinked down at the muscled back beside him, clenching his fingers around his still upraised knees to keep from reaching out and tracing Derek’s tattoo. “Are we…shouldn’t we…?” 

Derek reached up blindly and tugged Stiles down beside him. “We’ll take care of it later,” he frowned into Stiles shoulder. “Sleep.” 

"How are you so calm about this?" Even as he asked the question, Stiles was squirming around to get comfortable, happy in letting his hungover mind not ask too many other questions or think too hard about how Derek’s arm was perilously close to his dick.  

"I’ve known you and Scott for 5 years," he sighed. He sounded so resigned. "I’ve learned not to be surprised about what happens around you." Taking a deep breath, Derek actually rubbed his nose and the line of his jaw the curve of Stiles’ shoulder. His stubble burned the soft skin. "Besides, now Cora will finally shut up."

"Hmm?" Stiles hummed, feeling suddenly warm and sleepy. He blamed the hand stroking his hip softly.

"She’s been threatening to castrate me if i didn’t find my balls and ask you out already."

"I think you took it a step too far buddy," he slurred, eyes closing. "First comes love  _then_ comes marriage.” 

"I’ve been in love with you since you were awkward and sixteen," Derek muttered. His lips felt dry against Stiles neck. "Don’t get a buzz cut ever again, okay?"

Stiles hummed but was already half asleep. It wasn’t until he woke up again that he remembered what Derek had said and replied in kind. Maybe with a few more curses though. 

“ _Are you fucking kidding me, Derek? We could have been boning since I was still rocking plaid and graphic tees?”_

“ _You still wear plaid and graphic tees.”_

_"You know what I fucking mean, Hale. Now shut up and kiss your husband."_

* * *

They ended up getting the marriage annulled once the weekend was over, but Stiles kept his ring, and when they tied the knot for real 3 years later he actually remembered the moment when the justice of the peace announced them  _Mr. and Mr. Stilinski-Hale._

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos appreciated!
> 
> come say hi on tumblr: http://the-wild-wolves-around-you.tumblr.com/


End file.
